Everything in the least connected with him has value for me; if someone even mentions his name it is like a little present to me--and I long to mention it myself, I start subjects leading up to it, and then feel myself going red. I keep swearing to myself not to speak of him again- and then an opportunity occurs and I jump at it.
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...[P]erhaps it is the loving that counts, not the being loved in return---that perhaps true loving can never know anything but happiness.
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Once I really looked at the sky, I wanted to go on looking; it seemed to draw me towards it and make me listen hard, though there was nothing to listen to, not so much as a twig was stirring.
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I wanted so terribly to be good to him.
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That little glow of comfort lasted me right through the evening but was gone when I woke up next morning. Wakings are the worst times--almost before my eyes are open a great weight seems to roll on to my heart.
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And what I thought most about was luxury. I had never realised before that it is more than just having things; it makes the very air feel different. And I felt different, breathing the air: relaxed, lazy, still sad but with the edge taken off the sadness. Perhaps the effect wears off in time, or perhaps you dont notice it if you are born to it, but it does seem to me that the climate of richness must always be a little dulling to the senses. Perhaps it takes the edge off joy as well as off sorrow.
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No, that was my privilege.
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When I read a book, I put in all the imagination I can, so that it is almost like writing the book as well as reading it - or rather, it is like living it. It makes reading so much more exciting
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When I imagine changing places with her I get the feeling I do on finishing a novel with a brick-wall happy ending---I mean the kind of ending when you never think any more about the characters.
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I have found that sitting in a place where you have never sat before can be inspiring.
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If someone even mentions his name it is like a little present to me - and I long to mention it myself. I start subjects leading up to it, and then I feel myself going red. I keep swearing to myself not to speak to him again - and then an opportunity occurs and I jump at it!
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“Truthfulness so often goes with ruthlessness. ”
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“... perhaps it is the loving that counts, not the being loved in return - that perhaps true loving can never know any thing but happiness.”
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“There is only one page left to write on. I will fill it with words of only one syllable. I love. I have loved. I will love.”
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“Perhaps watching someone you love suffer can teach you even more than suffering yourself can.”
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“Thinking of death--strange, beautiful, terrible and a long way off--made me feel happier than ever.”
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