Quotes by Caitlin Moran

As it turned out, almost every notion I had on my 13th birthday about my future turned out to be a total waste of my time. When I thought of myself as an adult, all I could imagine was someone thin, and smooth, and calm, to whom things... happened. Some kind of souped-up princess with a credit card. I didnt have any notion about self-development, or following my interests, or learning big life lessons, or, most important, finding out what I was good at and trying to earn a living from it. I presumed that these were all things that some grown-ups would come along and basically tell me what to do about at some point, and that I really shouldnt worry about them. I didnt worry about what I was going to do. What I did worry about, and thought I should work hard at, was what I should be, instead. I thought all of my efforts should be concentrated on being fabulous, rather than doing fabulous things.

You can always tell when a woman is with the wrong man, because she has so much to say about the fact that nothings happening.

Any action a woman engages in from a spirit of joy, and within a similarly safe and joyous environment, falls within the city-walls of feminism. A girl has a right to dance how she wants, when her favourite record comes on.

I used to fear their deaths--the car! the dog! the sea! the germ!--until I realized it need never be a problem: on the trolley, on the way to the mortuary, I would put my hands into their ribs and take their hearts and swallow them, and give birth to them again, so that they would never, ever end.

...there is the sheer emotional, intellectual, physical, chemical pleasure of your children. The honest truth is that the world holds no greater gratification than lying in bed with your children, putting your leg on top of them in a semi-crushing manner, while saying sternly, You are a poo.

He was bright, bright, bright, like a lantern above a pub door in November- he made you want to come in and never leave.

A library is such a potent symbol of a towns values: each one closed down might as well be six thousand stickers plastered over every available surface, reading WE CHOSE TO BECOME MORE STUPID AND DULL.

Your hard-won triumphs can be wholly negated if you live in a climate where your victories are seen as threatening, incorrect, distasteful, or -- most crucially of all, for a teenage girl -- simply uncool. Few girls would choose to be right -- right, down into their clever, brilliant bones -- but lonely.

Overeating is the addiction of choice of carers, and thats why its come to be regarded as the lowest-ranking of all the addictions. Its a way of fucking yourself up while still remaining fully functional, because you have to. Fat people arent indulging in the luxury of their addiction making them useless, chaotic, or a burden. Instead, they are slowly self-destructing in a way that doesnt inconvenience anyone. And thats why its so often a womans addiction of choice. All the quietly eating mums. All the KitKats in office drawers. All the unhappy moments, late at night, caught only in the fridge light.

Lines and greyness are natures way of telling you not to fuck with someone - the equivalent of yellow and black lines on a wasp, or the markings on the back of a black widow spider.

1) Leopardskin is always a neutral.2) You can get away with nearly anything if you wear the thing with black opaque tights and boots.3) Contrary to popular opinion, a belt is often not a good friend to a lady. Indeed, in many circumstances, it acts merely as a visual aid to help the onlooker settle the question: Which half is fatter - the bottom or the top?4) Bright red is a neutral.5) Sellotape is NOT strong enough to mend a hole in the crotch of a pair of tights.6) You should NOT buy an outfit if you have to strike a sexy pose in the changing-room mirror to make it look good. On the other hand, if you immediately start dancing the minute you put it on, buy it, however much it costs: unless its lots, in which case, you cant, so dont. Fashion magazines will NEVER say, Actually, dont buy it if you cant afford it. Neither will your friends. I am probably the only person who will EVER say it to you. Youre welcome.

At its best fashion is a game. But for women its a compulsory game, like net ball, and you cant get out of it by faking your period. I know I have tried. And so for a woman every outfit is a hopeful spell, cast to influence the outcome of the day. An act of trying to predict your fate, like looking at your horoscope. No wonder there are so many fashion magazines. No wonder the fashion industry is worth an estimated 900 billion dollars a year. No wonder every womans first thought is, for nearly every event in her life, be it work, snow or birth. The semi-despairing cry of but what will I wear? Because when a woman says I have nothing to wear, what she really means is there is nothing here for who I am supposed to be today.

Never feel this bad again. Never come back to this place, where only a knife will do. Live a gentle and kind life. Dont do things that make you want to hurt yourself. Whatever you do, every day, remember this - then steer away from here.

Please wait for me. Dont have all the fun now. Dont fill up on other people who arent me. Dont ruin your appetite.

A library in the middle of a community is a cross between an emergency exit, a life-raft and a festival. They are cathedrals of the mind; hospitals of the soul; theme parks of the imagination. On a cold rainy island, they are the only sheltered public spaces where you are not a consumer, but a citizen instead

Everything I am is based on this ugly building on its lonely lawn—lit up during winter darkness; open in the slashing rain—which allowed a girl so poor she didn’t even own a purse to come in twice a day and experience actual magic: traveling through time, making contact with the dead—Dorothy Parker, Stella Gibbons, Charlotte Brontë, Spike Milligan.A library in the middle of a community is a cross be-tween an emergency exit, a life raft and a festival. They are cathedrals of the mind; hospitals of the soul; theme parks of the imagination. On a cold, rainy island, they are the only sheltered public spaces where you are not a consumer, but a citizen, instead. A human with a brain and a heart and a desire to be uplifted, rather than a customer with a credit card and an inchoate “need” for “stuff.” A mall—the shops—are places where your money makes the wealthy wealthier. But a library is where the wealthy’s taxes pay for you to become a little more extraordinary, instead. A satisfying reversal. A balancing of the power.

In the end, I go where I always go when I need information on something baffling, poisonous, or terrifying: the library.

When the middle classes get passionate about politics, theyre arguing about their treats—their tax breaks and their investments. When the poor get passionate about politics, theyre fighting for their lives. Politics will always mean more to the poor. Always. Thats why we strike and march, and despair when our young say they wont vote. Thats why the poor are seen as more vital, more animalistic. No classical music for us—no walking around National Trust properties or buying reclaimed flooring. We dont have nostalgia. We dont do yesterday. We cant bear it. We dont want to be reminded of our past, because it was awful: dying in means, and slums, without literacy, or the vote. Without dignity. It was all so desperate then. Thats why the present and the future is for the poor—thats the place in time for us: surviving now, hoping for better later. We live now—for our instant, hot, fast treats, to pep us up: sugar, a cigarette, a new fast song on the radio. You must never, never forget when you talk to someone poor, that it takes ten times the effort to get anywhere from a bad post code. Its a miracle when someone from a bad post code gets anywhere, son. A miracle they do anything at all.

If I dont keep this job, then my only future career-options are working in Argos, or being a prostitute, I say, w

Sitting in seat 14A, in the sun, I float on a full-moon, tidal joy unlike anything Ive ever experienced. I am getting incredibly high on a single, astounding fact: that its always sunny above the clouds. Always. That every day on Earth- every day I have ever had- was secretly sunny after all....I feel like Ive just flown 600 miles per hour head-on into the most beautiful metaphor of my life: If you fly high enough, if you get above the clouds, its never-ending summer.