Quotes by Brian Spellman

Spare the rod and spoil the Memorial Day rotisserie.

I was accused of always acting superior. Always means being, not acting.

My secret to maintaining a youthful appearance? Immaturity.

I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up - late.

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear so dont look and theyll stay farther away than you expect they would.

Mom lied. The crust is the shittiest part.

We contradict all for which we stand for we all stand for the lie the whole lie and nothing but the lie so help save our lying asses.

I cant name just one example. Then theres only one.

A good nights sleep counts healthy sheep.

Our archaeological ancestry lost hair while growing sweat glands to reduce panting in the hot African sun. One outcome evolved the origin of our speech. Another conquered our ability to shut the hell up and listen. Now? Politicians grunting On the Origin of Speeches past one another.

With good morality first candidates youll get bad candor, bad ethics, bad loyalty and bad morality - lastly bad odor will surface to save the day if you maintain good optimism like I do.

Feed a squirrel and hell leave you alone every day.

Ignorance is bliss. Wisdom is blisters.