Quotes by A. Whitney Brown

“Im not an athiest. How can you not believe in something that doesnt exist? Thats way too convoluted for me.”

“My Grandmother told me that there was a passage in the bible that says, It is better to spill your seed in the belly of a whore, than to spill it on the ground. So, I tried both. And the bibles right! Its way better. Thats one of the reasons they call it the good book.”

“Waterboarding -- thats what America does to its prisoners now. Dunking them in water until they confess. Of course, you have to remember -- we uncovered a lot of witches that way. So, credit where credit is due.”

“The source of most human violence and suffering has been ahidden childrens holocaust throughout history, whereby billionsof innocent human beings have been routinely murdered, bound,starved, raped, mutilated, battered and tortured by their parentsand other caregivers, so that they grow up as emotionally crippledadults and become vengeful time bombs who periodically restagetheir early traumas in sacrificial rites called wars.”

“may have killed the cat; more likelythe cat was just unlucky, or else curiousto see what death was like, having no causeto go on licking paws, or fatheringlitter on litter of kittens, predictably.”

“Whatever it is, Im against it.”

“In America there are so many ways to make a living that a man usually doesnt turn to politics until he has failed at everything else.”

“Ideologies arent all that important. Whats important is psychology. The Democratic constituency is just like a herd of cows. All you have to do is lay out enough silage and they come running. Thats why I became an operative working with Democrats. With Democrats all you have to do is make a lot of noise, lay out the hay, and be ready to use the ole cattle prod in case a few want to bolt the herd. Eighty percent of the people who call themselves Democrats dont have a clue as to political reality.What amazes me is that you could take a group of people who are hard workers and convince them that they should support social programs that were the exact opposite of their own personal convictions. Put a little fear here and there and you can get people to vote any way you want. The voter is basically dumb and lazy. The reason I became a Democratic operative instead of a Republican was because there were more Democrats that didnt have a clue than there were Republicans.Truth is relative. Truth is what you can make the voter believe is the truth. If youre smart enough, truth is what you make the voter think it is. Thats why Im a Democrat. I can make the Democratic voters think whatever I want them to.”

“You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer. You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.”

“The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down.”

“That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.”

“I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.”

“There are a billion people in China. Its not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a BILLION people. That means even if youre a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.”

“Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.”

Im not a vegetarian because I love animals, Im a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Im not a vegetarian because I love animals. Im a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down.